How would your life change if same-sex marriage passes in Minnesota?

Same-sex couples who’ve been together for years will soon have the option of getting married if the Minnesota Senate, as expected, passes legislation Monday legalizing same-sex marriage and recognizing out-of-state marriages, writes MPR News reporter Rupa Shenoy.

Many Minnesota couples are trying to understand how their lives will change. One of those couples is Lisa Vecoli and Marjean Hoeft. Vecoli said it takes her breath away when she thinks about how her life may change fundamentally in a way she never expected within the space of one day.

“In some sense, all is forgiven at this point,” Vecoli said. “I’m so proud of us for being the first state in the Midwest to do this by legislative action and not by court action.”

Today’s Question: How would your life change if same-sex marriage passes in Minnesota?

  • Bob

    I assure you, my life will not change one iota.

  • Dianne

    My partner and I can get married!

  • scott44

    I agree 100% with Bob. Congratulations Dianne!

  • John

    My taxes will go up due to the employee pension increase for gay married state employees. Expected to cost $678,000/yr and that will likely go up.
    Oh yeah, and more bullying laws (costing us more) will start to give gays more rights than non-gays.

    • reggie

      If the $678K figure proves to be accurate, that will work out to about 13 cents per capita. That’s a pretty trivial expense to protect the civil rights of all Minnesotans. Thanks for your contribution.

      As for bullying laws, if you’re concerned about this, work to stop bullying. If it wasn’t a problem, it would not need to be addressed through the legal system. It’s about equal rights for all, not more (or fewer) rights for some.

    • Folkgirl

      Don’t blame gays for needing anti-bullying laws. Blame the parents who teach their children that it’s ok to be cruel to someone just because they are different.

    • Scott L

      John, are you upset that your taxes pay for straight couple’s pensions, or just that they’d pay for gay folk’s pensions, or just that they might go up?

    • Michelle

      Cherry-picking from the news, I see. Marriage equality is also expected to rake in an extra $42 million for the wedding and tourism industries in the next 3 years alone. In case math isn’t your strong suit, that’s roughly $14 million a year. Last I checked, 14,000,000 > 688,000.

  • Anthony A

    My life will change on two fronts, being invited to a same sex marriage from time to time and working as an associate wedding photographer from time to time which will be good for business. Other than that, I’m just glad it will change the lives of others in my community and allow them equal rights to marriage.

  • Some good friends will be able to claim a legitimate civil right that they’ve been spuriously denied. I’ll also be busier, performing more marriages.

  • I’ll be able to start fighting for the right of people in other states to get married. Or in some cases, for the right of people in other states to not be fired for being who they are.

  • My husband and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary this August. If same-sex marriage becomes legal in Minnesota, it will make me much more relaxed, as well as happier, knowing that everyone in Minnesota has the right to pursue happiness as vigorously as my husband and I have!

  • Jim G

    My life will not change, but the point is it will change for thousands and they’ll be able to join together in song as one!

    The sun’ll come out
    Bet your bottom dollar
    That tomorrow
    There’ll be sun!
    Just thinkin’ about
    Clears away the cobwebs,
    And the sorrow
    ‘Til there’s none!
    When I’m stuck a day
    That’s gray,
    And lonely,
    I just stick out my chin
    And Grin,
    And Say,
    The sun’ll come out
    So ya gotta hang on
    ‘Til tomorrow
    Come what may
    I love ya
    You’re always
    A day
    A way!

    Annie- The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow!

  • david

    It won’t change my life in the least bit, that’s why I felt I have absolutely no right saying same sex couples can not get married. Its quite selfish to think you have the right to force you beliefs on others.

  • My life won’t change much at all (maybe I’ll be at an additional wedding or two in my lifetime); I just hope this legislation addresses the question of gay marriage once and for all. I don’t like the Democrats or the Republicans using it to get votes, especially on an issue that has such little affect on 95% of people…there are many other more important issues that need to be debated without gay marriage coming up as a constitutional amendment or new legislation every 2 years.

  • davidz

    Materially, my life won’t change one whit because of the passage of same-sex marriage. But in non-material terms, I and my wife will feel better knowing that everyone will be able to share in what we have together. And knowing that MN did so on its own, by legislation, before any courts (state or Federal) could “force” the issue upon us. Freely chosen, rights of the minorities finally recognized and made official. Not “granted by” the state (rights cannot be granted), but laws changed to match the inherent rights of people. On Minnesota!

  • Allie

    My marriage will not change. But, as an ally, I have been privileged to fight the good fight with my LGBT friends and family for the past 10 years since graduating from college, and because their lives will change for the better, so will mine.

  • Brian B

    I’m a 28-year-old who’s been with my partner for seven years. In the time we’ve been together we’ve had countless friends and relatives meet, fall in love, and get married. When this bill passes it will finally be our turn. Our day-to-day lives won’t change much. But having legal recognition of our relationship means the world. When my partner had to have surgery a couple years ago I stumbled when asked what our relationship was at the hospital. I mean legally we were nothing, roommates at best. Now I will proudly be able to say “I’m his husband.”

  • Kate

    My life will not change at all, and I will feel much better and more content when it passes. My marriage will be in no way threatened by same sex marriage, and several of my friends, family and clients will be able to legally marry their partner. It is time to stop discriminating against love and family.

  • Wally

    I’ll probably do more of my business in ND and SD.
    P.S. I’m get more done as I won’t waste my time listening to MPR. Every time I turned it on so far, more blahdeblah on you-know-what, or begging for money. Thanks MPR, for helping me quit the habit.

    • KTN

      And when those states also grant equal protection under the law, then where will you go

      • Kevan Bohan

        To the moon 😉

  • Heather

    My reason for not marrying will change from “I can’t” to “I just don’t feel like it.” Also, maybe the queer community can finally change its focus from marriage to more important things like ending violence and discrimination against LGBTQ folks.

  • Nichole Morris

    Aside from being exceedingly proud to live in Minnesota, my life won’t change at all.


    Like all straight people, it will not change AT ALL.

  • Mykenna

    This will help encourage employers and insurance providers to end discriminatory health benefits coverage. My Blue Cross Blue Shield of MN policy defines the term “Spouse” as only an “opposite gender spouse”. Transgender married couples find this to be a threat to their coverage.

  • kevins

    No change here. Married 32 years and wish all others the same happiness.

  • Apparently those of us who think civil rights for all can be and should be served without redefining marriage will continue to be called bigots. So in terms of the last two years, same old same old? Thanks Minnesota. To my gay and lesbian friends who may be reading this, I wish you happiness, I truly do. But if this passes, it passes on calling 47% (or more) of the state bigots. I hope that leaves a bad taste in every decent human being’s mouth.

    • ItsOkay

      My religion believes women should be kept in the house, specifically in the kitchen. Not in the workplace, and certainly not in politics. Please don’t call me a bigot for wanting to bring back the “traditional” roles for women in our society.

      • You are making negative presumptions about me (again) rather than deal with the reality that this is passing via name calling rather than an examination of public policy. My religion does not believe any of those things, BTW. Maybe you should learn something about it sometime.

    • reggie

      Susan, I wouldn’t necessarily call you a bigot merely because you would impose your religious values on others, but if you think “separate but equal” is a valid public policy, I would call you mistaken. I personally believe in freedom FROM religion. Even so, I’d defend your right to the free expression of your religious views, and your right to behave as you wish (within the law) in your family and your church community. But please keep your religious mitts off of my and others’ civil rights.

      • I wasn’t aware I had made a religious argument or claimed a religious tradition. See? Another assumption. Are we even talking to each other?

        • reggie

          Fair point. You introduced the fact that you have a religion (whatever it is) in your response to ItsOkay, and I made an improper assumption. My bad. So let’s stick to your actual statement. The Supreme Court has already rejected separate but equal, so on what basis do you think marriage equality can be provided without redefining marriage? And even before we get to that, why should you and the shrinking minority (your 47%) be allowed to determine what legal relationships other adults should be allowed to enter? At the ballot box, your position was defeated. All that’s happening at the legislature now is closing the loop.

    • KTN

      In 1903, Congress outlawed polygamy, and gave marriage a new definition. In 1965, the Supreme Court ruled(Loving v. Virginia) that interracial marriage was now legal, and once again redefined marriage. Do you need more examples of the word being redefined, or will those do.

      If the argument put forth by opponents to same sex marriage was not cast under anti-gay animus, then the bigotry label would seem excessive, but since they did (and do) continue to hold this belief, and let homophobia guide their argument, then it is tough to look the other way.

      • I personally don’t know a single person who voted for the amendment who is anti-gay. I’m not saying they aren’t out there, and I’m sorry, I really am. It’s not right, calling someone a bigot either way. It’s evil and should be named as such. I’m just saying maybe you should turn off the self-serving talk radio stations for your opinion of the “other side.” It’s not like they are giving you public policy argument anyway; they’re emoting.

        As for redefinition, arguably those court cases were about correcting society’s false implementation (banning interracial, allowing polygamy) of the core definition. But thank you for actually engaging in an argument. You note you’re the first?

        • KTN

          But, if your opposition to same sex marriage is religious, then it is anti gay. There is plenty of intolerance of gays in most major religions; that homosexuality is a sin, or the end of the world as we know it if allow ssm.

          This is not to say those holding the view do so with malice, (some of my best friends are gay) but if you’re spiritual, and take your religion seriously, you have to accept some (most) of the tennents and precepts they teach, including the part about sin. That can be a tough one to wade through, especially if you happen to be gay and want to marry.

    • Scott L

      I’d never call someone who disagrees with me a bigot, just for disagreeing with me.
      I’d call someone who makes broad negative assumptions about a group or class of people a bigot.

  • Kevan Bohan

    I’ll be happy to be living in a more equitable society.

  • Mary

    Next weekend I will have been married to the same man for 32 years. If same-sex marriage passes in Minnesota it will mean that some of my relatives will have the opportunity to have the same happiness in their lives as my husband and I do. Our family get-togethers will be happier. We are all better off when we all have the same civil rights.

  • Rich in Duluth

    I’ve been married for 43 years and my life will not change, but a whole class of people in our society will be granted a new right. This is fair and just and the right thing to do.

  • Carrie

    It won’t change my life at all. Why would it?

  • Mary

    It wouldn’t change my life, except I’d probably have a lot of wedding invitations and have a lot of really happy gay friends!
    As a straight person, I fail to see how same sex marriage would affect traditional marriage. I haven’t heard a RATIONAL explanation, and I don’t buy the Bible reasoning. Those marriages must be on rocky ground already.

  • Folkgirl

    I’ve been married for almost 13 years and this does absolutely nothing to change my life. Except that I’ll have a bunch of weddings to go to pretty soon!

  • Listen

    All I ever needed to know I learned in Kindergarten.

    Life will be better, and here’s why. I recently heard, or read about a Genius Grant Kindergarten teacher who intervened after certain kids were always discriminated against in playtime with the rule, no one can refuse to play with another classmate. Perhaps another listener can help out with a link to an article about this.

    The teacher’s comments were that no students felt a class with such a rule would be possible, but that once implemented, they all felt more relaxed and better about this treatment of others.

    I think this is how recognition of homosexual marriage rights will affect me. I will feel better about my community, my state and will feel more comfortable whenever I interact with homosexuals, married or not.

  • David

    As a hetero-sexual, polyamorous optimystic fellow, I guess I’ll be expecting to see more rainbows and sparkles as well as better all around taste and sensibilities infuse into a more free and respectful state.

    • David

      There was a rainbow sherbert sky with a shining silvery crescent moon this evening. To me at least, it felt as if nature and nature’s God were smiling upon this occasion 🙂

  • Michelle

    It will change my life to know that our state is returning to its progressive roots, and being a shining example that EVERYONE should be treated equally. LOVE IS LOVE.

  • Ann M

    I will continue to believe the last 10 verses of Romans, chapter 1.(Bible)My church will teach the children that marriage is between a man and a woman, not what the public schools tell them.Straights will have to pay higher taxes because the gays will no longer pay at single rates.Singles should no longer have to pay higher tax rates.The gov’t needs to take the word “marriage” out of all gov’t documents.

    • Scott L

      Single people will pay at the single rate. Married people will pay at the married rate. Gay or Straight has nothing to do with it.

      • Ann M

        More people will be married and get the lower rate. If you give more people a lower rate, the loss of revenue will have to be made up somewhere.

  • Sarah Marie James

    My life – as with many lives – would not change at all. Who my neighbors love and marry has no effect on me. Love is love and it’s a wonderful thing that everyone deserves… just like equal rights.

  • Michelle

    At some point marriage will need to consider polymory and polyfidelity otherwise we’re going to make some bisexual people choose one way or the other and that’s not fair.
    There are triads who’d marry asap.

    • Nick

      Unlikely, since a marriage contract is a bilateral contract and not a multi-party. This is a fallacious argument. It attempts an analogy but the analogy is not accurate.

      • Steven

        It is accurate, you just don’t like it since you are opposed to his opinion

  • j bearheart

    Free at last, free at last, I hope by our Creator we’ll be free and equal at last.

  • Steve the Cynic

    Having known lots of people who were effectively married to their work, their hobbies, their political ideologies, etc., I’m not worried one bit about this. At least gay marriage is about finding joy, not indulging an obsession.

  • Sue de Nim

    I repeat my May 7 comment. As one whose opinion has “evolved” along with our president’s, I have some advice for those who have been on the “pro” side for a long time: Don’t trash the considered opinions of those who disagree with you. Most of those who oppose legitimizing homosexuality are not the Fred Phelps type of raging bigots. My change of mind came hard, largely because I resisted casting my lot with those who were spouting hatefully derisive rhetoric against my Christian faith. And even today, I’m hesitant to take a public stand for gay marriage, because I don’t want my friends to associate me with the extremists on the “pro” side. Conversely, one of the factors that made me willing to move was my revulsion at the hatefully derisive rhetoric against gays by strident conservatives. But it was only in dialog with respectful and thoughtful people on the “pro” side that I was able to see another side of the issue. Strident rhetoric does your cause more harm than good. Before my “evolution” on this issue, I was not any more stupid then than I am now, I was not a bigot, and I did not have a quasi-mental illness (“homophobia”). I had good reasons for holding the opinions I held then. As the old saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

    • Steve the Cynic

      Indeed. This move would go down a lot easier with conservatives if liberals would expunge from their vocabulary homophobia, homophobic, homophobe, and any other cognates of that word that might exist. It’s malicious name-calling, just as much as those anti-gay slurs we all know but are too civilized to use here.

  • Kelsey

    I am a United Church of Christ seminary student at United Theological Seminary in New Brighton. My life, and vocation, will change in that when I am ordained, I will joyously be able to legally marry all couples who allow me the privilege of performing their service.

    Hopefully, this vote will bring about conversation that teaches our senators, media, and Minnesotans that “religious” does not directly equal “Christian;” and neither “Christian” nor “religious” are synonymous with anti-same-sex marriage.

  • Jamal

    We should not change creation and what the creator gave us long time ago. If God wanted he could have created a gay but for the better and the growth of our life God created a man and a woman. I don’t think there is anyone who can argue about this so why should we talk about God given rights and politicize it. I believe that marriage is between one MAN and one WOMAN NO MORE AND NO LESS. If this bill passes we should work harder to never ever elect a democrat in a public office again.

    • Mykenna

      As a secular humanist (what I like to call “an atheist with ethics”), I would vigorously assert that there is plenty of room to discuss the issue (or argue, if you prefer). Legislating a religious belief simply isn’t in line with our republic’s principles, nor should it be. Those who are here, “created” as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, are just as real and worthy of our love and acceptance as any of us. I think the Universal Unitarians say it best, when they “Stand on the Side of Love”.

  • Kate Mudge

    Hopefully my girlfriend will pop the question and I’ll finally be able to make our wedding cake. For years I’ve been baking other people’s so this is going to be a true day to celebrate with my partner!!! Thank you Minnesota!!

    • Steve the Cynic

      Is there some reason you can’t pop the question to her? 😉

  • Mykenna

    THANK YOU MINNESOTA!!!!!!! – your GLBTQA friends, coworkers, family members, and neighbors

  • Lance

    Benefits administration just got more difficult.

  • Nancy

    My life won’t change, but many lives of Minnesotans who have been “second class citizens” have changed today. I am proud to be a Minnesotan! As a 68 year old heterosexual woman, married to a man — I have worked hard to get this passed.

  • lawrence

    My life wouldn’t change because I’m heterosexual, an that’s really the point the GLBT community has been saying. My family and I already personally know gay people and their lovers/significant others. They are who they are and nobody is going to change who they without annihilating them. I like to think we’ve learned that annihilating a culture, community, or person just for the sake of recreating them in our own image is a cruelty that God, nor mankind easily forgives. As the receptionist says in my favorite restaurant; Thank you for coming. May I offer you something to drink?