In first pitch attempt, woman throws like a rapper

Up until Tuesday evening, 50 Cent held the distinction of throwing the worst first pitch in the history of all ceremony.

Sit down, 50 Cent. Meet Nameless Woman, who had never thrown a baseball in her life, apparently, and wasn’t all that interested in the guy she plunked. (Update: The Chicago Tribune reports she apparently received the first-pitch honor for being White Sox “employee of the homestand”.)

You can just leave this on autoplay for the full effect.

If the White Sox photographer had waited another half second, he’d have gotten a classic shot. As it is, he at least captured why the attempt was doomed right from the start.

As long as we’re on the subject and at the end of the NewsCut road, here’s a request: The week NewsCut started in 2007 I threw out the first pitch at a St. Paul Saints game at Midway Stadium (I’m pretty sure MPR paid the Saints for me to do that).

There were photographers taking pictures, but I never saw a photo and it’d be a nice thing to take with me into retirement. For a time reference, it was the same game that Al Franken also threw out a first pitch (and brought an aide with him to warm up first).

Surely, that picture exists somewhere.

For the record, I nailed it. Solid heat.

(h/t: Paul Tosto).

  • Surely, that picture exists somewhere.

    Are you sure it wasn’t this game in 2008?

  • Ryan Brown
  • Ben Chorn

    Still not as funny as this one….
    “Alright Jordan, fire it in there.”

  • Guest

    Big Bang Theory sitcom had a story about astronauts being asked to throw the first pitch and declining. Basically figuring there is not much upside and HECKUVA downside.

  • Erik Petersen

    Throwing a baseball 60 ft so someone can make an easy chest high catch is probably something way less than 1% of the population can do.

    • Jeff

      It doesn’t sound too difficult to me. I know what I’ll be doing when I get home tonight (if I can find a baseball).

  • Gary F

    If I’m ever asked to throw out the first pitch, I’m getting one of the neighbor kids down to the nearby park and throwing off the mound for practice and will not embarrass myself.

  • 212944
  • ec99

    This was a sub-plot in a Dr. Pohl episode. A respite from him pulling yet another calf out of a cow.

  • bri-bri
  • KTFoley


    The White Sox are of the moment here. It’s an uncanny juxtapostion with another time when Red Sox fans went crazy over baseball not being as easy at it looks.
    Boston’s shortstop Bill Buckner died on Monday.

    I’m gratified to see how the coverage this week emphasizes that he was so much more than that one blown catch that gave the 1986 World Series to the Mets.

    Our nameless woman is undoubtedly much more than that one blown throw, as well. I bet her family can hear her laugh on the other side of the house, all the kids in neighborhood think she is the cool side of weird, and she can tell you exactly how much salt to use on a margarita rim. Bill came out the other side and she’ll be all right, too.

    If she or anyone decides they’d like to throw more effectively, maybe try this mini-tutorial? Diverting, illustrative, written by a guy whose two Pullet Surprises came a bit later, plus a bonus tip on catching.

    Let me know how it goes, okay? My hand-eye coordination goes right out the window for sports. Hopeless. Pathetic. Enough to justify ending this baseball riff with of one of my favorite West Wing exchanges:
    Charlie Young: [telling the President that he has to practice throwing a baseball with a bullet proof vest on before throwing the first pitch out at a baseball game]
    . Sir, everyone agrees.
    President Josiah Bartlet:
    . Like who?
    Charlie Young:
    . Leo, Josh, CJ, your wife, the Notre Dame athletic department…