Open thread: We need a new way to tell you it’s cold

During these cold snaps, we in the media struggle for new ways to tell you how cold it is, as if you don’t already know.

It’s time we adopt the “Oh, heck no, I’m not peeing out there” scale.

Other possibilities: How about a “I just had to bring the beer in from the garage” watch?


  • Rob

    How about a “Heck no, I’m not pooping out there” scale?
    I let my dogs out first thing this morning per usual, but no poo activities took place. Two minutes later, I discovered a couple of gifts right inside the front door…

    • Yep.

    • kevins

      Been there…we have a stubborn one whose feet get cold quickly…bummer!

    • Jared

      That was our dog the first winter after we rescued him (had been sent to the shelter from California). We’ve had him for two years and the last two mornings he has peed and pooped and ran to the door within two minutes so I think he gets it now.

      • Jack Ungerleider

        Wait until he’s an old dog. (Ours is 15 maybe 16, the age when we adopted him was a little fuzzy.) Then the weather isn’t only a factor in when the accidents happen.

    • corsair82

      So far ours hasn’t had that moment, though this morning he had to be let out a second time because he started to think about pooping and then ran back to the door to warm up first.

      He apparently had been saving up, because the second outing immediately produced a minute-long poo whose steam I could see from inside the house, about 20 yards away.

  • Gary F

    Just look at your Weatherbug phone app. Less weather mania, less hype, less scare, more accurate in my opinion because they take out the hype.

  • Jack

    The Startribune never gets delivered even after subscribers get an e-mail saying it will be a few hours late.

    • jwest8

      Our carrier is awesome. Paper was there by 4:30 am yesterday with 8 inches of snow and again today. The latest he has ever been is 4:50 am.

      • My guy had the paper here by 530, right up against the garage door in yesterday’s storm. Today, it was there right on schedule. My guy is great. And he gets a big tip every January.

        • Jack

          I figure I’ve read 90% online so it is only the comics (sigh) that I’m missing out on.

          • JamieHX

            (Can’t wait until I retire and can read The Paper — the real thing — every day again. It’s better than reading the news online.)

  • Mike Worcester

    When the jets taking off at MSP seem to be coming right through your front door.

    Or the eastbound coal train is doing the same.

  • Greg W

    My kids think it’s really cold when their boogers freeze (a la Calvin and Hobbes).

    I think it’s worst when the air freezes immediately in your lungs.

    • Barton

      I have this strip framed and hanging in my house.

      And this was definitely what it was like this morning.

  • KariBemidji

    It’s so cold that the one guy who ALWAYS wears shorts is wearing long pants.

    • 212944

      Or at least seriously considering it.

  • Barton

    While not a fan of the bodily humor jokes, there is a very funny post going about re: not farting when it is this cold b/c the fart crystallizes on your pants. That is an interesting scale to talk about….

  • Ralphy

    Cold enough to make the house “bang”.

  • Jeffrey Swainhart

    Just bought a magnetic block heater cold.

  • It’s so cold, there’s no bingo. This is getting serious, now.

  • Gary F

    Was out shoveling yesterday and brought an aluminum water bottle in from the garage and set it by the back door thinking I’d get it later.

    Well this morning it was still there and I grabbed it with a bare hand. I’m glad my hand was dry. It it were wet, that bottle would have been a permanent fixture.

    • Greg W

      On the bright side, at least you’d stay well hydrated.

      In other words, you’d always have a drink “on hand”.

      • kevins


  • boB from WA

    Its so cold your tongue sticks to your lips?

  • Greg W

    Cold enough to make the snow squeak.

  • jon

    It’s so cold you need to put those chemical hand warmers in the “cooler” to keep the beer from freezing.

  • Gophersince74

    I told the vet last year the only problem with my geriatric dog was that he likes to pooping in the house when it’s really cold. She replied “I do too”.

  • Jeff

    Au contraire, our dog lives for this weather (especially the snow). Here she is refusing to come in the house.

    • Christopher Hahn

      Million dollar idea: a photo-thermometer of dog-breed-outdoor-thresholds.

  • dpsours

    Johnny Carson: “It’s so cold…”
    Ed McMahon: “How cold IS it?”
    Johnny Carson: “It’s so cold, Smurfs turn flesh-colored.”
    (dutiful guffaws from Ed)

  • Ralphy

    Cold enough to square your tires.

  • Pup

    So cold that those thoughts and prayers you’re sending to accident victims cystalize mid-air and fall into little piles of nothingness.

  • king harvest

    It’s so cold in Minnesota that Texas had to put on a sweater.

  • John O.

    Colder than a Bill Belichick press conference. Can you imagine if Minnesota was hosting the Super Bowl this year instead?

    • Ralphy

      Cold enough for Bud Grant.

  • 212944

    So cold the dog wants his own flask for the walk tonight.

  • Jack

    Gas station is doing a bang-up business.

  • Jim in RF

    Adapted from a Tom Waits song: Colder than the ticket-taker’s smile at the Faust Theater.

  • christina

    Martian Index: How our temps are compared to Mars

  • christina

    Or in Exothermic Woman’s (menopausal me) case: Do I need to turn on the fan or the heater?

  • Ralphy

    Too cold to toot your horn.