The world’s ugliest dog is one of us

We will insist to our dying breath that it is not possible to be an ugly dog. Dogs are perfect in every way. That’s the way it is.

So we declare as fake news the declaration that Zsa Zsa is in any way ugly, despite allegedly winning the World’s Ugliest Dog competition in California over the weekend.

Zsa Zsa’s human is Megan Brainard of Anoka, Minn.

Who’s an ugly dog? Not you, Zsa Zsa. No, you aren’t. Oh, no, you aren’t.

Zsa Zsa, an English Bulldog owned by Megan Brainard, stands onstage after being announced the winner of the World’s Ugliest Dog Contest at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, Calif., Saturday, June 23, 2018.  Jeff Chiu | AP

What sealed the deal for Zsa Zsa? That tongue. The judges just lapped up that magnificent tongue, according to the Santa Rosa Press Herald.

The tongue dangled at least four inches under her jaw while Zsa Zsa rested, similar to the melting watch of Salvador Dali’s painting “The Persistence of Memory.”

In fact, one of the judges during the competition asked Brainard: “That tongue is real?”

Brainard said she was shocked by the victory. She picked up Zsa Zsa about four years ago as a rescue dog from Missouri puppy mill. It took her family three days to drive out to Petaluma for the contest.

“She has come so far and she is just so beautiful in my eyes,” said Brainard, who operates a dog-and-cat grooming shop. “It’s her tongue, and her personality and her slobber.”

Dogs flaunt their imperfections. Humans should be more like dogs.

(h/t: Paul Tosto)