Plan for parade ‘celebrating’ winless team roils Cleveland

The sports fans of Cleveland are mad — really mad — that their football team stinks again. So, they’re going to throw them a parade.

The Cleveland Browns are 0-14 on the season and the fans can taste a “perfect season” on the horizon if the team loses to the Chargers (they probably will) next week, and the rival Steelers (they definitely will) the week after.

It’s unlikely the team would participate in such a parade, but no matter. The organizers are securing insurance and security for the parade route while they wait for permission from the city.

Their GoFundMe page met its $2,000 goal for the expenses within a day and all of the extra money is going to a food shelf.

As with most football fans, some of the Cleveland faithful are taking things a little too seriously.

“This parade will represent all the people who don’t have high expectations in life,” one commenter on the parade organizers’ Facebook page said. “It will be Not only a slap in the face to the city of Cleveland and the Browns but this is a slap to all of sports and those who play sports.”

Some of them need a good whack upside the head, sir.

“If you’re one of the people out there that is planning a parade for 0-16, I will fight you,” sports talk radio bro Mike Rizzo said in a rant on his show on Monday. “Come down and see me right now. … You’re going to celebrate my misery for four months? That is the loserest of all loser moves I have ever heard in my life. How dumb is that? Who thinks that’s a good idea? … I don’t want you on my team. I want winners and I want people that want to win. I don’t want people who celebrate losing.”

  • Robert Moffitt
  • RBHolb

    I don’t know who is worse–the people wasting their time planning a parade, or the people getting in such a high dudgeon about it. Really, folks, this is the reason that brings you out to protest?

    • Ever been to Cleveland in the winter? :*)

      • Actually yes.

        Cleveland does not, in fact, rock.

        • Jerry

          Next thing you’ll tell me is that Detroit is not actually “Rock City”

          • Rob

            Sorry to break it to you. And that’s just makeup that Kiss wears; it isn’t their real faces.

      • Rob

        Yes. More sucktastic than being in the Twin Cities in the winter, which is brutal enough.

  • Zachary

    …always look on the bright side of life…

  • Jerry

    Whenever I hear about sports talk radio in other markets, I’m always thankful that our worst hosts tend towards cantakourously oblivious as opposed to belligerent, hateful, and stupid.

  • So, when is the parade for the Twins and Wolves?

    • Jerry

      There is no team in Minnesota that does not consist entirely of women that should consider themselves winners.

      Unless I’m forgetting one of the smaller college teams.

      • Zachary

        St. Tommies?

      • The Wild are doing pretty well this year, but yeah, the women’s teams here are generally superb.

        /All the women are strong…

      • Rob

        Is that a lengthier way of saying that, generally speaking, only Minnesota women’s sports teams are winners? If so, right on.

    • Jeff

      I’m embracing the long slow parade from putridness to mediocrity.

    • Rob

      When the weather gets nicer? Although it’s fairly warm now…

  • Bob Sinclair

    On the other hand why not celebrate? Achieving something that is very rarely done, the extraordinary, should be a cause for celebrating.

  • Zachary

    If I were the Browns, which I am not – I would fully embrace this like Halle Berry at the Razzies. Take on the role of a “Jobber” (to borrow a professional wrestling term) and become the Washington Generals (to borrow a Globetrotter term) of the NFL. Embrace the wackiness – play for the absurdity of it all. Have pigs in tutus and massaging nuns, and have a little fun. It’s just footy. Nobody really cares anyway.