— Chris Gothner (@cgothner) October 11, 2016
Here’s another installment of our occasional series, “Why Baseball is Better Than Football.”
Today’s reason: Because you don’t ever hear about people being stabbed over giant inflatable baseball players.
It happened in Stoughton — wait for it — Wisconsin, according to the State Journal.
The incident occurred in the 700 block of South Van Buren Street a little after 7:10 p.m., police said, when a 36-year-old man confronted the person damaging the inflatable in his front yard. The confrontation turned physical, leading to the resident being sliced multiple times by a box cutter, police said.
“You hear him slicing this guy up, come outside, and ‘Hey, what are you doing?’ Confront the guy,” Dave Moschel, the owner of the inflatable, tells WISC TV. “He takes his razor knife or whatever he had in his hand and we just go on the ground and start rifling around.”
Moschel says he could’ve shot the perp.
“Luckily, I didn’t have my concealed carry on me at the time,” Moschel said. “Ninety-nine percent of the time I leave the house, I never leave without it. And this is the one time I did. I’m kind of glad I did, because he would have been dead, and I would have had to live with that.”
Or you could just take a knee, sir, de-escalate, and think about whether an inflatable Minnesota Viking is worth killing someone for. For the record, it’s about $130.
Moschel says he’s going to buy some duct tape and make a stand.
The Vikings have invited him to a game later in the season.