For many Minnesotans, winter doesn’t officially begin until we can chortle about the East Coast reaction to a snowstorm, which is arriving there any minute now.
They’re making a run on the supplies. Snow shovels, for example:
And the local newspapers — the Washington Post in this case — are teaching them how to use the contraptions. Big end down, DC.
How bad is it? They’re using the word “hunker down” as if that’s something an East Coaster would even recognize as a word.
“People are buying a lot of eggs and a lot of milk and bread and water and toilet paper, too,” Jaswinder Bhopal told the Post, which perhaps will be running recipes for toilet paper in tomorrow’s edition.
The Post, by the way, has stolen another Midwest media tradition: Whipping people into a frenzy, and then criticizing the fact they’re in a frenzy.
Forget ISIS. The most powerful city on earth can’t handle a dusting of snow. https://t.co/pfnQKsTLjF
— Washington Post (@washingtonpost) January 21, 2016
It’ll be pure misery indeed for them; just the way we like it around these parts, which — for the record — averages only 17 more inches of snow in an entire winter than the outskirts of Washington DC had last winter.
If the meteorologists are right — good one — northern Virginia will get two feet of snow, which should set the kids to having some fun the way the kids here had fun when we got 5 inches last month, the biggest snowfall around here in a year and a half. The people in Apple Valley who failed to stock up on toilet paper are still talking about that monster.
But blizzards like this one don’t come around very often — especially in Minnesota — so “Walter”, who describes himself as a homesick Minnesotan stuck in DC, is prepared to enjoy it as we would.
He writes in his excellent blog post, “Minnesotans announce plan to downplay snow, criticize locals” :
As part of their plan, Minnesotans will make a point to note the current temperature in Minneapolis whenever a Washingtonian mentions the “cold” 30 degree weather that’s expected this weekend. And those North Star State natives with vehicles intend to drive them effortlessly through unplowed Washington streets, honking and sarcastically waving out their open windows to bundled, beleaguered pedestrians.
As frenzied Washingtonians sacrificed their dignity and battled one another in the aisles of Giant last night, desperate to get their hands on the last bag of frozen broccoli florets, Minnesotans remained unconcerned, opting not to stock up on supplies and groceries. “Relax, it’s only going to be a few days, you guys,” said Duluth native Ellie Andersen. “You really think you need a whole case of toilet paper? I’m not sure what kind of plans you have this weekend, but leave me out of it.”
— DCist (@DCist) January 21, 2016
It’s nothing personal, East Coast. It’s just us trying to have a laugh now that you get all of the fun.
Let us know if you need a snowblower or two. We don’t need ours much here anymore.
Related: Don’t be mad at your meteorologist for a poor forecast. We’re mad enough at ourselves. (Washington Post)