French Toast Alert System

Oh great, it’s going to snow again. I’m not against snow, per se. In fact, I like the stuff. I also would take the freezing-cold weather before the 100-degree, high-humidity, not-a-breath-of-a-breeze August day. What I detest — almost violently, I’ve noticed — is the sudden inability of Minnesota drivers to know what to do in it. This latest blizzard — up to an inch is predicted before it all ends — looks timed to mess up tomorrow morning’s commute.

I can’t explain what’s happened to us but something has happened to us. On three-lane highways (yes, I’m talking about you, I-94), people drive slow in the “high-speed” lane, the middle lane, and the right-hand lane even though, as was the case earlier this week, the tire lanes were clear. Why didn’t they move over and eliminate the rolling blockade? Because they would’ve had to go through an inch of slush separating the lanes. The situation recalls a favorite expression of a former colleague that might fit the winter-time in Minnesota meteorological discussions at the water cooler: “it’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity.”

Meanwhile, in Boston, it’s going to snow again and a Web site there has developed a wonderful new “alert system” : The French Toast Alert System. Surely there’s a way we can steal that idea. Perhaps we can use walleye?