Working the athlete/lobbyist ratio

As the stadium issue becomes -- surprisingly to me -- the dominant issue of Minnesota politics this year, I marvel again at the utter impossibilities that become possible in the political world. Consider: When the Twins issue first surfaced, they weren't far removed from a World Series championship. And yet, support of the stadium was a political poison pill -- instant death. Now, the team is a bumbling collection of has-beens, and they're close to walking out of the Capitol with new digs.

Is there any connection between the stadium lobbying fortunes of Minnesota's sports teams and their on-field performance? It sure doesn't appear that way.

In fact, there's at least anecdotal evidence to say the political fallout from supporting a stadium is directly opposite that on-field performance. For example, when the Twins first started the stadium push, they weren't far removed from the World Series. And Puck, Hrbek, and the gang were still playing for them.

It was a political poison pill.

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So I thought I'd review the disaparities between lobbying prowess and athletic futility to see if there's a connection.

-1- Twins - Fall out of the American League race on May 1st, can't pitch, can't hit. They can field a bit, which is good since they're always in the field. Virtually unwatchable. What if the players performance grade matched their lobby grade? The pitchers would keep them in the game even when the fans were sick of watching them. No matter how far behind they get, they're still in the game long after everyone else gives up, and near the end of the game, they still have a decent shot at pulling it out -- to everyone's surprise.

Supporting cast performance: F

Lobbying grade: B+

-2- Vikings. OK, well, the "athletes" include the coaches here. Consider, a day after your boss calls out the governor of the state for not working hard enough on a stadium for you, you spit the bit in the NFL draft, causing more head scratching than the lice epidemic in your kid's 2nd grade class. As the Senate prepares to vote on a stadium deal, it leaks that one of the guys calling the shots lied on his resume and is about to get a million-dollar buyout and invited to enjoy the home version of the game as a consolation prize. This, of course, is on top of giving away a former near-MVP quarterback, trading what some say was the best receiver in the league, bestowing pride on the seven seas of Lake Minnetonka and, oh yeah, stinking the joint out in the old stadium -- and 8 others.

Supporting cast performance: F

Lobby grade:B-

-3- Gophers. I didn't go to the U of M, so I don't follow this one particularly closely. But if I were casting one of those old Disney movies -- you know, the ones with Kurt Russell at some college that always seemed to be named Mayfield -- Robert Bruininks would definitely be the perfect choice for president. There's something about seeing Bruininks at a hearing table with a football that reminded me of my college days... when people would wolf down a Hershey bar with a Diet Coke for dinner. Anyway, fine lobbying team that -- were they actual athletes -- would almost be as competitive as Glen Mason's non-conference schedule.

Doesn't hurt a bit, that as the Senate Taxes Committee was meeting to consider your stadium's chances, the U's Laurence Maroney goes to the most dominant team in the NFL this century in the NFL draft, proving once again -- are you listening, Vikings -- that the most effective tool to competitive balance isn't a stadium, it's a brain.

Supporting cast performance: B+

Lobbying performance: A-

-4- Timberwolves. What are they doing here? They haven't asked for a new arena? True, but you think that Jay Weiner article in the Strib after the season was a coincidence? Target Center, home of what some say is now the worst-run franchise in the NBA, is -- the line goes -- showing its age, and is no longer the elite beacon representing the city that it was when it opened. The article seemed to suggest, even, that the reason there were so many empty seats at the end of the season, was the age of the arena. The Wolves, of course, posted their worst on-court season of the Kevin Garnett era. Perhaps that had something to do with it.

Supporting cast performance: F

Lobbying grade: C (That high because they didn't actually ask for a new arena. That low because they didn't react to the article all that strongly; indicating they just might.)