There’s no news here (5×8 – 8/5/11)

I’m not really here and you’re not really reading this, welcome the coming winter, a little zip in Duluth, a moose head in Ellendale, and to be 12 again.


It’s Friday and Friday is for making an early escape from the nonsense (but first, this laugher about the big stock market drop. It’s not suitable for the workplace.). There’s no hard news in today’s 5×8. Why should there be?

1) I’M NOT REALLY HERE AND YOU’RE NOT REALLY READING THIS

Want to start your day with a headache? Try to get your noggin around this post from Discover blog that says the universe may just be a hologram, that our world is simply a projection of a process that’s taking place somewhere else.

Plato likened our view of the world to that of an ancient forebear watching shadows meander across a dimly lit cave wall. He imagined our perceptions to be but a faint inkling of a far richer reality that flickers beyond reach. Two millennia later, Plato’s cave may be more than a metaphor. To turn his suggestion on its head, reality–not its mere shadow–may take place on a distant boundary surface, while everything we witness in the three common spatial dimensions is a projection of that faraway unfolding. Reality, that is, may be akin to a hologram. Or, really, a holographic movie.

Or maybe we’re all in locker C18 at Grand Central…

So, perhaps the Dow didn’t really drop 500 points yesterday. And you don’t have to go to work today.

2) WELCOME THE COMING WINTER

Last week you voted winter over summer in a NewsCut poll. This video, released yesterday, suggests it’s not a bad choice.

3) A LITTLE MORE ZIP

The Timber Flyer Zip Line opens at 10 this morning at Spirit Mountain in Duluth. The Duluth News Tribune had a look at it yesterday:

The zip line, which will be open year-round like the coaster, is the only ride of its kind in the Midwest, Johnson said. Riders climb onto a metal gate to get into the bench-type seat, which can hold up to 450 pounds, and people can ride solo or with another rider. The seat is secured with safety belts by a Spirit Mountain employee before riders are released 700 feet down a cable at up to 30 miles per hour.

“It isn’t a free-fall zip line,” Johnson said. “We program in how fast it goes so it’s a very controlled ride much like you’d find in an amusement park.”

Like this in Alaska…

We interrupt this non-news to bring you news. We have a new record for parallel parking into the smallest space. (h/t: Two Way)

Now back to the non-news….

4) TO BE 12

See these kids?

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They’re the 12 year old all star team from the East Twins Babe Ruth League and they’re representing your state at the Cal Ripken World Series in Vasalia, California next week.

There’s a fundraiser in North St. Paul tonight to help send them there.

Meanwhile, baseball is trying to make a comeback down in Austin, the Daily Herald reports. The Greyhounds, a semi-pro team, are hosting a tournament this weekend. The story of one player includes the observation that kids don’t have a passion for the game anymore.

More sports (sort of): A cafeteria cook for the Pittsburgh Steelers got a Mercedes from a coach who was leaving to take another job. “It’s just taking care of the people who took care of me,” he said.

5) WHERE OLD-FASHIONED IS IN FASHION

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Why is there a moose head in Ellendale’s grocery store? It’s been there for 92 years. Audrey Kletscher Helbling at Minnesota Prairie Roots profiles a family-run grocery store that thrives in the age of chains.

Bonus: Love always starts with a song. Or someone who takes off his shirt and puts it in a puddle. Story Corps, the main reason to even wake up on Friday, has the story of James “Jay” McKnight and Andrea, who was 14 then. He was 19. They were too young to get married.

TODAY’S QUESTION

Stocks around the world have taken a rough ride lately. The market is now in what experts call a correction mode that could last a couple of weeks before it recovers. Today’s Question: How do you handle worry about the economy?

WHAT WE’RE DOING

Midmorning (9-11 a.m.) – First hour: Ten things your parents won’t tell you.

Second hour: How to create a cash cushion.

Midday (11 a.m. – 1 p.m.) – First hour: TBA

Second hour: TBA

Science Friday (1-3 p.m.) – First hour: Centenarians who break all the rules.

Second hour: New research into the moon’s history.

All Things Considered (3-6:30 p.m.) – More than two months since the deadly May 22nd tornado that devastated parts of north Minneapolis, many small business owners are still struggling to get back to “business as usual.” A new city program aims to help Northside businesses with low interest loans. MPR’s Jess Mador will tell you about it.