Lost causes

Apparently so many teenage boys are spraying themselves with body sprays like Axe that it’s making people in Minnesota schools sick. One out of eight Minnesota students has asthma. But the kids have gotten it into their heads that dousing themselves will make them “babe magnets.”

Now where would they get a stupid idea like that?

Rep. Karen Clark, today reintroduced a bill that originally banned fragrances in Minneapolis schools, but now calls for an “awareness campaign” instead.

What might such a campaign look like? Kids, take it from previous generations. Old Spice didn’t work. Hai Karate didn’t work. British Sterling didn’t work. Brut didn’t work. This stuff doesn’t work. You got the same chance as if you just wear the sweater that smells like mothballs.

But how are you going to compete with this “education campaign”?

  • Can we get a vote to ban the crap from the work place too? I’ve been dropping mad hints to one of my employees (who is 22 and MARRIED AND has a kid btw) that his axe makes me nauseous, not to mention the fact that he’s married, has a kid, and isn’t a member of a fraternity. Additionally, even on the “good” stuff they sell over the counter at Macy’s should have a daily dosage allotment. No more than one spritz per day please!